Hedonic adapation, read if you are unfulfilled

I read A Guide to the Good Life: The Ancient Art of Stoic Joy and resonated with the idea of hedonic adaptation (aka hedonistic treadmill)

Hedonic Adaptation

Author’s argument: People suffer from hedonic adaption.

Context: Hedonic adaptation is humans always wanting more. We dream and aspire to have a bigger house. However when we get that new house it quickly becomes too small. We dream and aspire for a 2x salary. However, when we get that salary we quickly feel that we do not make enough money.

My internalization:

Don’t wait to be happy. Happiness is not on the other side of your goal. Happiness is not when you get promoted, it’s not when you make more money, it’s not when you find the perfect spouse or job. It’s when you are at peace.

There is no turning point where you suddenly become happy. You either likely have the components to be happy but require more intention in your life to tap into it or you truly lack what you need to be happy and you require intention to find and instill what is missing.

Either way you will not stumble into happiness.

Desire the things you already have. Find joy and excitement in where you are in life. A new circumstance will not be the solution to make you happy.

Enjoy the journey. I’ve listened to several podcasts where a billionaire has regrets about 1) the way in which they lived their life 2) having a sense of being lost once they get to their end goal.

This indicates 2 things.

First, we often over sacrifice for our goal. But we forget why we have that goal. For example, some people aspire wealth to give their family a good life. But on the journey they sacrifice being there for them.

Secondly, it’s not really our goal that keeps us going. It’s the idea of our goal. It’s the idea that if we focus and are dedicated and we achieve this goal, we will be happy. But often times, we reach our goal and we think what next? Having goals is important, but the excitement of how you think achieving your goals will make you feel is more meaningful than how achieving your goals will actually make you feel.

Exhaust all hedonistic avenues before you move on. Much like the above statement, you should fully squeeze how happy you can be in your current circumstance before moving on.

Content vs fulfilled.

My sister and I recently had a conversation on being content vs fulfilled. I believe that we do not need to be fulfilled to be happy, only content.

Fulfillment is defined in different ways. In my interpretation, I define fulfillment as meeting all of ones desires and goals. I define content as being satisfied and at peace.

You do not need to meet all your desires and goals to be happy. You just need to be satisfied and at peace with what you have.

Once could argue that fufillment is still the goal but you must change what your desires are. I agree we should manager and reduce our desires. But this will be the equivalent to being content.

I believe that desires are natural for humans. We should manage and reduce our desires. But even when we are unable to, we should learn to be satisfied in the presence of desire. For example, my desire would be to have ultimate flexibility in work where in terms of hours, meetings etc. However, just because my job does not provide me with the ultimate flexibility it doesn’t mean I cannot be satisfied with my job.

There are two ways to be content.

Either by changing your expectations or being okay with your expectations not being met.

My opposing view:

There are cases where hedonic adaptation is not negative. If you are able to find joy in the journey then hedonic adaptation is simply looking for more journeys.

Hedonic adapation, read if you are unfulfilled - Stoich Joy Book Note